A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Braveheart's Speech

Description: William Wallace is giving his speech before a battle, like in the movie Braveheart.

William Wallace: "They may take our lives, but they’ll never take ... our freedom!"

Sartre: "He means because in a metaphysical sense, our freedom is transcendent, so even if we are enslaved by the English we will still at least have the freedom to interpret our condition."

Spinoza: "No, Sartre, he means they can't take our freedom because we never had it to begin with. The world is deterministic, and freedom is an illusion. There is nothing the English can do about that."

Marx: "No Spinoza! He doesn't care about metaphysics. He means they can't take our freedom because we peasants are enslaved by our own wealthy lords. We must unite with the global proletariat to throw off the ruling class of every nation in order to be free!"
Spinoza: "Not everything is about class warfare, Marx."

Sartre: "Um, excuse me, Mr. William Wallace, do you mean they can't take our freedom because it is metaphysically impossible, or because we are already oppressed?"

William Wallace: "I mean they can't take our freedom, because if they try we will stab them in the face with our swords. Understand?"

Sartre, looking around nervously as the battle begins: "Um, you guys...I'm starting to think this isn't the philosophy debate club."

Spinoza: "I told you we missed an exit!"
Marx: "you can take our lives, but you can never take our surplus labor value!"

Marxist Financial Advice

Description: a couple is meeting Karl Marx for financial advice.

Husband: "Thanks for meeting us."

Marx: "Welcome to Marx Financial Advice, what can i do for you?"

Wife: "Well we just can't seem to get any savings, and our debts are mounting. I'm not sure what we are doing wrong, we are both working overtime and it still never seems like enough."

Marx: "Well, looking over your documents it seems like you have huge amount of unnecessary expenses."

Husband: "Really? But we've cut out all luxuries! We are living on only the bare essentials."
Marx: "What? You are spending a ton on luxuries. For example, it says here that you paid for a part of a new yacht."

Husband: "We didn't spend any money on a yacht!"
Marx: "Of course you did. Your boss bought one last month, where do you think he got the money? From his own labor? Ha!"

Marx: "So the first thing we advice all clients is stop spending the money you earned from working on your boss."

Husband: "But how do i do th-"
Marx: "There is another expenditure that i'm confused about."

Marx: "It says here that you spend almost a third of your income on “rent”. Why?"
Husband: "Well, we have to pay rent in order to live."
Marx: "What? No you don't."

Wife: "But where will we live?"
Marx: "What do you mean? The same place."

Marx, leading them through a door: "You see, we have a trademarked debt consolidation program to help people just like you deal with their creditors. Follow me."

Description, Marx is pointing at a guillotine.

Wife: "Is it...behind the guillotine...or?"
Marx: "What? No!"

Marx: "We here at Marx Financial Advice have a motto: always guillotine everyone all the time."

Description: the couple looks horrified at Marx.

Marx: "We are still working on the exact wording of the motto but you get the idea."
"What about a retirement plan? Should we be investing?" "Investing? No, all that will be wiped out when the workers take control. A communist revolution should be your retirement plan."

Simone Weils Gives a Convincing Argument

Hegel: "The driving force of history is the dialectical refinement of ideas. History is nothing more than the progress of the consciousness of freedom, and elucidation of science."
Marx: "Wrong, Hegel!"

Marx: "Material conditions are the true driving force of earth. The productive capabilities of a society, and the struggle between the haves and the have-nots, THAT is the real engine of history!"

Weil: "Marx, Hegel, you are both wrong. The driving force of history is something much simpler: force."
Hegel: "Force? Ha! Are you serious Weil?"

Weil: "I think i can convince you both if you hear me out."
Hegel: "What argument could you possibly offer for such a simplistic doctrine?"

Weil, pulling out a gun: "Say that it's force, or I'll shoot you!"

Weil: "say it!"
Hegel, with his hands in the air: "The driving force of history is force."
Marx, also with his hands in the air: "Yes, what Hegel Said!"

Weil: "There, see, was that so hard? Force employed by man, force that enslaves man, force before which man's flesh shrinks away. From Agamemnon, to Genghis Khan, to Hitler, it is not ideas or production, but force that has played the central role, isn't that right?"

Hegel: "Yes yes, that's right!"
Marx: "Spot on!"
Weil: "Good, I'm glad we agree."

Weil: "Now give me your wallets."
Hegel: "How is that relevant to your philosophy?"
Weil: "Say it is relevant or I'll kill you now!"
Marx: "Stealing wallets is philosophy!"
Also...dance a little for me. See? The real dialectic is whoever has the guns makes the rules.

Potluck Economics


"What did you bring again, Marx?" "I brought the cake." "I thought Engels brought that." "Uh...it's from both of us."

Karl Marx Gets a Job


When communism comes, everyone will greet everyone all the time, and the brandy will be free.

Karl Marx's Day Off


Let's be honest though, those shoes were pretty cool.

Philosophy Comedy Club, with Karl Marx


If you think poor people are poor because they were too stupid to invest in property...you might be bourgeoisie. If you think that without entrepreneurs no one would bother to do any work...you might be bourgeoisie. If you think "freedom" means having more power to boss around your employees...you might be bourgeoisie. If you think the person who should get credit for a new technology is the guy who hired people to make it...you might be bourgeoisie. If you think the people on welfare are the ones sponging off society...you might be bourgeoisie. If you think the "homeless problem" is that if there are too many of them around it lowers property values...you might be bourgeoisie. If someone asks you what you do for a living, and you describe your investment portfolio...you might be bourgeoisie.

Business Ethics, with Karl Marx


What? You never read Karl Marx's famous work: Communism is When You Steal Back Office Supplies From the Bourgeoisie

Desert Island Economics



"What what will you do without us brave entrepreneurs?"); "I don't know, probably receive the product of our labor in full?"

The 100% True Story of the Writing of the Communist Manifesto


"A communist society will be organzied by the principle: from each according to his ability, to each according to his need" "Marx, chain smoking is NOT an ability" "Oh yeah? Then I'd like to see you try it"

Dungeons and Dragons and Philosophers VII: Left Wing Adventures


Trotsky split on the car ride over, in case you were wondering. He thought they should be focusing on invading other DnD groups and getting them to play their games as metaphors for communism.

Mad Marx: The Class Warrior





Philosophy Jeopardy



Things Schopenhauer hates: Hegel Noise Life itself Hegel Everything else

The Hague Congress of 1872


"You betrayed the proletariat cause!" "No, YOU betrayed the proletariat cause!" "You" "You" "Stop copying me!" "Stop copying me."

Karl Marx: Hostage Negotiator


Lenin successfully lead the hostages to overtake the bank, but he died shortly after and Stalin took over, and things kind of went down hill from there.

The Young Hegelians


There will be some who may remark that Marx, at the time that he was associated with the Young Hegelians, had not yet grown his trademark beard. This is nothing but lies and deceptions by the bourgeoisie, in an attempt to slander the socialist movement. The truth is that Marx was born with his glorious mane, and went to his grave with every hair on his perfect beard.

Product Testing


REVOLUTION!

Marxist Business Consulting


Not shown: Ayn Rand's 40 minute speech about how money is great and rich people are therefore the greatest.

Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers V: The Battle of Five Philosophers


And that was the day that Utilitarians, Objectivists, Communists, and Egoists all united as one: to kill Nietzsche. And also they told him that their group was really hardcore and didn't allow re-rolling characters, so once you died you had to wait outside and not talk.

In which John Rawls is a bad tipper.



Rawls: "But seriously Nozick, imagine that you were an ugly waiter who got less tips just for how you look." Nozick: "Okay...imagining, imagining...nope. Sorry, no matter how hard I try, I just can't imagine what it is like to not be incredibly handsome."

A Visit From St. Marx


There will be no toys under the tree this year, only one way tickets to the gulag. With no return ticket.

Philosophy Club


When you think about it, any club can be a fight club with enough spirit.

Pokemon Philosophy


Until the Pokemon own the gym, they will always be oppressed.

The Philosophy of the Science of Poker



The Incommensurability of that one annoying friend who always goes all in

Buried Treasure

THERE, I DID AN AYN RAND JOKE. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY BECAUSE THAT IS IT, FOREVER.

World Cup Philosophy: Germany vs France




For best results, the commentator should be read in the voice of Michael Palin

The Germans Play Monopoly


I'm not sure what they expected, it was inevitable really.
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