Also...we should probably ban philosophers that disagree with us, right? I mean we already have it figured out, so that can only cause problems."
Jeremy Bentham Designs a Prison
"But you don't understand, they will be happy in the end to be subjugated completely to my will."
The Last Chance at Happiness, with Jeremy Bentham
What if being a Utilitarian makes you sad? We should probably kill all the Utilitarians just to be safe.
In Which Friedrich Nietzsche is a Fan of the Cleveland Browns
Also, Wagner is a Steelers fan and I'm rooting for them out of spite.
the problem with maximal happiness is that it's lame as shit
Terminator: The Simone de Beauvoir Chronicles
All machines are mortal, and each machine's particular death will be at the hand of my double-barrel shotgun.
Twelve Angry Philosophers
What? You didn't expect twelve philosophers to agree on something did you?
The trolley driver swerved at the last second onto another track, so Philippa Foot had to kill him too. It was only then that she realized that she had become the monster that she fought so hard to destroy
Language Games: Philosophers Play Pictionary
Growing up in a wealthy home, Wittgenstein never actually saw a beetle as a child. When he asked his parents and relatives what a beetle looked like, they gave descriptions, but he could tell they didn't know either. As he grew older, he theorized that no one had ever actually seen a beetle. He told all his philosopher friends, who just got really excited and assumed that he was making a profound point regarding the nature of language. He was too embarrassed to correct them and simply pretended like that was what he meant all along. He still isn't sure what a beetle is to this day, or if they even exist at all.