A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Nietzsche Gets a Bad Performance Review

Description: Nietzsche is working at an office supply store, a customer comes up to ask him about printers.

Customer: "Excuse me, which of these printers is better for a small business?"
Nietzsche: "In the world even the best things are worthless without those who represent them: those representers, the people call great men. Little, do the people understand what is great - that is to say, the creating agency!"

Customer: "Uh...right..."

Boss: "Nietzsche, can i talk to you for a second?"
PERSON: "What is it?"

Boss: "Well, i just wanted to talk to you about your job performance."
Nietzsche: "Ah yes, i know, I've been doing great. I have been teaching the customers how to bear any suffering for greatness."

Boss: "Here's the thing, the customers don't come into this store to bear any suffering to reach for greatness, they just come in to find good deals on name brand merchandise."
Nietzsche: "What?!"

Nietzsche: "Good deals? Name brand merchandise? How can anyone be so small minded as to only seek these things in life? What kind of weak, will-less, sheep do you have for customers?!"
Boss: "I don't know... the normal kind."
Nietzsche: "You mean idolaters of the market? They want only petty distractions? They don't want to strive to overcome their humanity no matter the cost?"
Boss: "I think they mostly want...printers."
Nietzsche: "Oh."

Boss: "And I've just been reviewing your sales performance, and it says you've sold zero printers since we hired you."
Nietzsche: "Ah yes, but how many have i shown to seek something greater in life than printers?"

Nietzsche: "How many have i shown the path to cast off the shallow desires our culture thrusts onto us and to become who they truly are!"

Boss: "I mean, it's not in the sales report, but I think it's still zero."

Nietzsche: "Dang. But how many have i shown that their morality is based on resentment?"
Boss: "Also zero."

Nietzsche: "I guess I'll just have to try harder to show humanity the path to the ubermensch."
Boss: "Nietzsche, you are fired."

Nietzsche: "But you are only firing me out of your bitter self loathing and resentment of my greatness!"

Boss: "No it's because you are terrible at your job."
Nietzsche: "Oh. Yeah i guess that's pretty legit."
"Yeah, but probably only like...sheep and followers are good at the jobs, when you think about it..."

Thus Spoke Zarathustra

Nietzsche: "I have spent ten years on the mountain, but I'm tired of being super wise all the time. I shall descend down unto the people, and give them the gift of my wisdom."

Nietzsche, in front of a crowd: "People, gather around and hear my words of wisdom."

Nietzsche: "All of you are...stupid as hell. Thus spoke Zarathustra!"

Nietzsche: "God is dead!"
Person in crowd: "ohhh, cool, now we don't have to obey him."

Nietzsche: "What? No, not cool you little shits. We have killed him, now we have to be God ourselves."

Nietzsche: "Are you great enough to replace God?!"

Nietzsche, pointing to someone else: "How about you? Huh? Can you ground all meaning in society?"

Person: "Well, i thi..."

Nietzsche: "Huh? Huh? Huh? Can you?!"

Nietzsche: "No. You can't. None of you can, because you are all a bunch of losers who only know how to follow other even bigger losers."
Nietzsche: "Now it is time that i teach you about the overman. Man is something to be overcome. What have you done to overcome him?"

Nietzsche: "All beings so far have created something beyond themselves; and do you want to be the ebb of this great flood and even go back to the beasts rather than overcome man? What is the ape to man? A laughingstock or a painful embarrassment. And so is man to the overman."

Nietzsche: "That would make you the apes in this metaphor."

Nietzsche: "I am the overman, if you didn't pick that up."

Nietzsche: "On account of how much better i am than you."

Description: there is a long pause in silence.

Nietzsche, annoyed: "Why are none of you writing this down?"
"You know what, screw you guys, you obviously don't get me. Nobody gets me!"

Nietzsche Takes a Student


"Imagine, the universe is going to recur eternally over and over again, and you will somehow never get any less stupid."

In Which Friedrich Nietzsche is a Fan of the Cleveland Browns


Also, Wagner is a Steelers fan and I'm rooting for them out of spite.

Philosophy Round Table: Human Nature


Man is the animal that watches stupid TV shows.

In Which Nietzsche Learns the True Meaning of Christmas


A true Übermensch spends Christmas miserable and alone, as everyone knows.

Nietzsche at the Bar

Nietzsche, later on, writing aphorisms: "Let's see, how you can express that you hate women in a way that sounds deep..."

Kant Goes to Poker Night


"Wait, but isn't stealing also wrong, according the the Categorical Imperative?" "Ah, common mistake, you are applying the maxim too broadly. The maxim of what we are doing isn't 'stealing', it is 'getting one over on Nietzsche', which as you know is not only morally permissible, but in fact a moral imperative."

Friedrich Nietzsche: Director of Human Resources


Eventually Nietzsche built his team of 100% Übermensches. It was a total disaster, of course, as everyone did their own thing. But obviously, it was all the fault of the slave morality of the consumers.

Nietzsche tries speed dating


"That which is done out of love always takes place beyond restraining orders." "It really doesn't, Nietzsche."

The Bar Fight


Not shown: Camus triumphantly rebelling against the absurd by picking up a woman at the bar.

Objection!


Although Sartre was obviously in bad faith when he said that Nietzsche has a terrible mustache, because come on.

Sorry! And the Nature of Suffering


It is better to not even begin playing the game, as it will only lead to suffering and misery. Plus, last time I played Hegel ended up winning, even though he totally didn't deserve it.

Philosophy Club


When you think about it, any club can be a fight club with enough spirit.

Philosophy News Network: The Death of God


Make sure to join us at 11 for our shocking exposé on chairs. Do they even exist? The answer may shock you.

Despair Bears


"But you made Care Bears creepy and weird" No. Wrong. The Care Bears were always creepy and weird

Silicon Valley Philosophy


Startup idea: it's like Uber, but for philosophy. You put in your location, and within 15 minutes a philosopher shows up to argue with you about the nature of justice. I call it Ubermensch

Existential Office



Eventually they figured out that Kafka was actually fired years ago, but due to a glitch in the payroll system he kept getting paid. So they fixed the glitch.

Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers V: The Battle of Five Philosophers


And that was the day that Utilitarians, Objectivists, Communists, and Egoists all united as one: to kill Nietzsche. And also they told him that their group was really hardcore and didn't allow re-rolling characters, so once you died you had to wait outside and not talk.

The Most Ubermensch Man in the World

Stay willful, my friends.

Stoicism Man


"So...can you help me get my purse back? I really loved that purse." "Woman's love involves injustice and blindness against everything that she does not love... Woman is not yet capable of friendship: women are still cats and birds. Or at best cows..."

Mad Philosophy

Schopenhauer was chosen only because he's just really got that mad scientist look. I think it's the hair

World Cup Philosophy: Germany vs France




For best results, the commentator should be read in the voice of Michael Palin

The Germans Play Monopoly


I'm not sure what they expected, it was inevitable really.
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